[confederate2]

Originally Posted by wylcat

well it has been my experience that most women have this view of "men and their cars" (this was an e-mail sent to me by my aunt)
>Oil Change instructions for
>Women:
>
>1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
>last oil change.
>
>2) Drink a cup of coffee.
>
>3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
>vehicle.
>
>
>Money spent:
>
>Oil Change $20.00
>
>Coffee $1.00
>
>Total $21.00
>
>================================================= =========
>
>
>Oil Change instructions for Men:
>
>1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and
>buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree,
>write a check for $50.00.
>
>2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive
>home.
>
>3) Open a beer and drink it.
>
>4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
>
>5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
>
>6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
>
>7) Place drain pan under engine.
>
>8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
>
>9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
>
>10) Unscrew drain plug.
>
>11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
>Cuss.
>
>12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw
>kitty litter on spilled oil.
>
>13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
>
>14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
>
>15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter
>and twist off.
>
>16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
>everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash
>can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
>
>17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
>
>Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage
>door opener.
>
>18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil
>change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly
>dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to
>recycle.
>
>19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
>
>20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
>
>21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
>
>22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
>gasket surface.
>
>23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
>
>24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
>
>25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
>
>26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
>along with drain plug.
>
>27) Drink beer.
>
>28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel
>oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily
>patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in
>lawnmower gas.
>
>29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
>kitty litter on oil spill.
>
>30) Drink beer.
>
>31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
>oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
>tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
>
>32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
>
>33) Begin cussing fit.
>
>34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
>
>35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
>
>
>36) Beer.
>
>37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required t o stop blood
>flow.
>
>38) Beer.
>
>39) Beer.
>
>40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
>
>41) Beer.
>
>42) Lower car from jack stands.
>
>43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
>
>44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
>steps 23 - 43.
>
>45) Beer.
>
>46) Test drive car.
>
>47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
>
>48) Car gets impounded.
>
>49) Call loving wife, make bail.
>
>50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
>
>
>Money spent:
>
>
>Parts $50.00
>
>DUI $2500.00
>
>Impound fee $75.00
>
>Bail $1500.00
>
>Beer $40.00
>
>Total - - $4,165.00
>
>
>But you know the job was done
>right!
>
>
>SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH...... AND TO MEN
>YOU THINK CAN
>
>HANDLE IT.....

Without a doubt one of the funniest dang things I have ever read on the internet. Thanks for sharing.