The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need - a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2 neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"
Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, Let's see...9-1/2 E."
Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see...size 36."
Joe laughed "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
You've all heard of the Air Force's
ultra-high-security, super-secret
base in Nevada, known simply as 'Area 51'? Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks
out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their 'secret'
base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and
hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas,
got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air
Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during
the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot
really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying 'you-did-not-see-a-base' briefing, complete with threats of
spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-away on such-and-such a
heading, and sent him on his way. The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane... only this time there was two people in the plane. The same pilot jumped out and said, 'Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane
and you have to tell her where I was last night!'
2005 Sienna LE 8 PAX, White, Full Curtain airbags, Tow prep package, VSC, Rear Disk brakes, rear audio, aftermarket entertainment center(will be bought soon)
I'm a proud Toyota Bigot!!!
Midwesterners checkout the midwest forum!Click here
No matter what your stand on our president and the Iraq war....Facts are facts.........
If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the last 22 months, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000.
The rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 100,000.
That means that you are 25% more likely to be shot and killed in our Nation's Capitol (which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation) than you are in Iraq.
Conclusion: We should immediately pull out of Washington, D.C.
Why ARE Men Happier ? Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
__________________
2004 DC Limited 4x4//JBA Headers & Y PIPE//Firestone Rear Air Lift//Hellwig Sway Bar//Protech EZ 1" Lift//Air Induction//Ledco Custom Rack
Raider Canopy//Street Scene Grill//Magnaflow Muffler//Piaa Lights//Amsoil Fluids//Nokian WR Shoes//Unichip//Westin Bull Bar.
Well it appears we have reached over 500 posts on this thread, so this thread is locked and you may post jokes over at the new "We Got Even MORE Jokes-Thread 4" thread located here.
Always get a second opinion
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