In Arizona...

[E.Amado]

Hunting camels is prohibited.

Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony.

There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.

Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.

A class 2 misdemeanor occurs if one places a mark upon a flag which is "likely to provoke physical retaliation". .

It is illegal to manufacture imitation cocaine.

When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses.

It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.

You may not have more than two ***** in a house.

Cars may not be driven in reverse.

Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.

If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined.

No more than six girls may live in any house.

It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license.

A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.

No one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house.

It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.

In 1970, an Arizona lawyer named Russel H. Ansie filed a $100,000 law suit against God. He won when the defendant didn't show up in court.

Moderators Note: post censored due to inappropriate language usage.

[DevinSixtySeven]

Originally posted by E.Amado

You may not have more than two **** in a house.

No more than six girls may live in any house.

somebody somewhere is not gonna be happy about that one .

i'm trying not to die laughing at work .

[E.Amado]

- You buy salsa by the gallon.
- Your Christmas decorations include a half a yard of sand and 100 paper bags.
- All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.
- You think someone driving while wearing oven mitts is clever.
- Most of the restaurants in your town have the first name "El" or "Los."
- You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard.
- You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
- Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.
- You can say Hohokam and people don't think you're laughing funny.
- You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.
- You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River.
- You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
- You can say 120 degrees without fainting.
- Every other vehicle is a 4x4.
- You can be in the snow, and then drive for an hour and it will be more than 100 degrees.
- Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
- You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves.
- People break out coats when the temperature drops below 70.
- You discover, in July, it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
- The pool can be warmer than you are.
- You can make sun tea instantly.
- People will drive over 100 miles just to see snow.
- You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
- Most people will not drink tap water unless they are under dire conditions.
- People with black cars or have black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out-of-state or nuts.
- You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
- You realize Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.
- You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.
- The water from the cold water tap is the same temperature as the hot one.
- You can (correctly) pronounce the words: "Saguaro," "Tempe," "Gila Bend," "San Xavier," "Canyon de Chelly," "Mogollon Rim," "Cholla," and "Ajo."
- It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets.
- You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
- Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less than 30 SPF is a joke, and you wear it just to go to the Circle K.
- Some fool can market mini-misters for joggers and other fools will actually buy them.
- Hot-air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.
- No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.
- You eat hot chilis to cool your mouth off.
- You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
- The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
- You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
- You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
- Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
- You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

[Imdone]

Too True.

[tundra4towin]

LMAOROTF!!!!

[McarrerasTRD]

Way to go Eric! Have not laughed so hard in a long time...You forgot one:

-Able to walk over any snake and say "You should have seen the one that got away" without flinchin!

[E.Amado]

"There are more Mexican Food Restaurants in Arizona then any other specific ethnic style."

[E.Amado]

There were two Indians and a Polish fellow walking along together in the desert, when, all of a sudden, one of the Indians took off and ran up a hill to the mouth of a cave.

He stopped and hollered into the cave... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" and then listened very closely until he heard the answer..."Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He then tore off his clothes and ran in to the cave.

The Polish fellow was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about, was that Indian goofy or something.

"No", said the other Indian. "It is mating time for us Indians and when you see a cave and holler, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!", and get an answer back, that means that she is in there waiting for you.

Well, just about that time, the other Indian saw another cave. He took off and ran up to the cave, then stopped and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" When he heard the return, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!", off came the clothes and into the cave he goes.

The Polack started running around the desert looking for a cave to find these women that the Indians had talked about. All of a sudden, he looked up and saw this great big cave.

As he looked in amazement, he was thinking, "Man! Look at the size of that cave! It's bigger then the ones that those Indians found. There must really be something really great in this cave!"

Well... he took-off up the hill at a super fast speed with his hopes of ecstasy and grandeur. He got in front of the cave and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He was just tickled all over when he heard the answering call of, "WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!! WOOOOOOOOO!!! Off came his clothes and, with a big smile on his face, he raced into the cave.

The next day in the newspaper the head lines read, Naked Polack Run Over By Freight Train!!

[E.Amado]

An Arizonan and a Texan were driving through Arizona one afternoon. As they drove down the highway, the Arizonan pointed out the sights.

Pointing out the car window, the Arizonan notes, "Look, over there is a cattle ranch."

"We have cattle ranches that are at least twice that size in Texas," claimed the Texan.

They drove on for another hour, and the Arizonan pointed out an area of cotton fields.

"In Texas, we have cotton fields that are much bigger than that," noted the Texan.

By this time, the Arizonan was started to get annoyed. Not wanting to be outdone, he continued driving. An hour later, they reached northwestern Arizona. The Texan looks out the window at the Grand Canyon, points, and asks, "What is that?"

Without missing a beat, the Arizonan replies, "Don't you have irrgation ditches in Texas?"

[Tundranized]

It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.

That's why no one in AJ smiles.

And what word is so offensive that it can be on our law books but cant be spelled out in our forum, WTH?

Brian

[MILLER Time]

Hi all, I'm new to these forums, just bought a new Tacoma. My wife fowarded this to me, so I thought I would share.


How to Live and Drive in Phoenix

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is: "FEE - niks."

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00a to 10:00a. The evening rush

hour is from 3:00p to 7:00p. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday

morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on all freeways -- I-10, I-17, U.S.

60, Loop 202 -- is 85 mph. You may only exceed that speed on Loop101,

where the speed is allowed to match the highway number. Anything less

is considered wussy.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own

version of traffic rules. Cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go next

at a four-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that.

(Note: EastValley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the

right of way.)

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,

cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never! honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously.

7. Construction is a permanent fixture in Phoenix. Detour barrels are

moved around during the middle of the night to make the next days

driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs,

barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires,

squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the

coyotes feeding on any of these items.

9. You must know that "Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the I-10"

are the same road.

10. To find anything in Phoenix, it is required to know where Central

and Washington are. This is our Alpha and Omega-- the Beginning and

the End.

11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the

shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally

activated."

12. If you are in the left lane, and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph

zone, &n! bsp; you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped

off" accordingly.

13. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city

driving.

14. You are allowed to wear potholders to protect your hands and

fingers during summer driving.

[fyr145]

Truer words were never spoken.................

[cubic22]

I visited Surprise AZ about 6 months ago and I haven't been back isince 10 years ago` I visited a family member at the cemetary and last I remember was the side dirt road that led to the cemetary now, its right off the Loop in Phoenix

Its crazy how much its changed. I hear that about the construction too. I went through 4 zones just to visit my aunt in Surprise.

No problem though. "GARCIAS" mexican restauruant is still where I left it.

off of Peoria..

3301 W. Peoria, Phoenix, AZ 85029

that's good eatin

[SDtundra858]

Hey guys, pretty sure i'm goin to ASU. What should i expect, been to Surprise once in 2004 to look at homes and the Grand Canyon/Williams in 2005, never been back. Tempe gets pretty warm i hear

[E.Amado]

You wanna be a scum devil?!? Ugh... ok; ASU is a great school.

Well one thing you can expect is that the great citizens of Arizona have voted to outlaw smoking in bars and other public areas. The price of a pack of smokes will go up about $0.80. All to take effect Jan. 1st. 2007